The Benefits of Taking a Pause

In search of kindness and truth

Mar 30, 2024

When practicing yoga or meditation, we often discuss creating a Pause. It is in this pause that we gain power and control over our thoughts and actions. We move from Reaction to Response and this can be enormously powerful when we are searching for kindness and truth in our lives.

As a Deeply Feeling Person (DFP) I am often struck by how much hate and intolerance there is in this world. Hate not only feels bad for the person on the receiving end, it also feels bad for the “hater.”

When you live with a negative mindset, or a fear-based mindset, it actually has a negative effect on your health. A negative mindset creates chronic stress in the body which can lead to a host of maladies, including headaches, heart disease, insomnia, high blood pressure, and digestive problems. A quick Google search comes up with many articles on this subject.

In the grand scheme of things, it also doesn’t feel good. We humans are pleasure seekers. We don’t like to feel bad, yet unless you bring attention and awareness to your thoughts (and the brain’s negativity bias), they are going to run the show.

Awareness

During my most recent Yoga Book Club Retreat we spent a lot of time discussing the idea that we are not our thoughts, we are the awareness of our thoughts. Our awareness is set back from our mind so that we can see our thoughts more clearly.

Separating your awareness from your mind is like stepping back to look at a painting in an art museum. You can take in the painting and how it feels from further back, rather than with your face up in the brush strokes. The same goes for observing your thoughts.

We have thoughts that run through our mind all day long. This constant inner monologue is going whether or not we are paying attention. When you start to notice, however, you might see that there is a whole lot of nonsense going on there most of the time.

You tell yourself stories, like “Oh, I can’t do that,” or “they’re so much better at this than I am,” or “I shouldn’t do that/feel that/think that,” etc. You might be focused on thoughts of the past or the future. When this happens, your awareness isn’t in the moment in which you are living, but a whole host of other moments.

Begin by Noticing

When you start to notice your thoughts, it creates space. I wrote about what this means in a previous post (you can read that post here). This space gives you power over your thoughts and actions.

When there is no space, all you have is instinct, or reaction from your Lizard Brain. This part of your brain, the Amygdala, is great for survival, but not great for living and thriving in your daily life. This part of the brain doesn’t know if you are stressed because you are being attacked by a bear, or if you simply have a deadline. Your internal neuro-chemical experience is the same.

The problem with having this part of your brain rule your mind is that it is all reaction and instinct. When you are in “survival mode,” you will lash out (fight), withdraw (flight), shut down (freeze), or people please (fawn). These reactions, especially when they make up your everyday existence, do not make for a happy, peaceful life. These reactions keep you small, angry, and frustrated.

When you can step back from your thoughts into the awareness of your thoughts (which is what yoga and meditation teach us to do), you create a pause. In this pause, you can notice how your mind/body reacts and decide “is this what I should do? Is this how I should proceed? Are these thoughts or assumptions even true? What is my gut/inner wisdom telling me?”

Power in the Pause

There is a lot of power in the Pause. In this Pause, you get the ability to Respond. You move out of the Amygdala and into the Frontal Lobe, the home of emotional regulation, planning, reasoning, and problem solving.

When you move into the Frontal Lobe, the possibility for kindness and truth move to the forefront. You are letting go of your survival thoughts (I’m not good enough, that person is mean) to more reasoned and compassionate thoughts (I am doing my best and that’s enough, that person seems to be having a tough time and is unable to regulate their feelings).

Notice the difference in how each of those parenthetical thoughts feel in your body. When compassion, kindness, and truth run your life, it genuinely feels better, not just in your mind, but in your body.

Operating from the idea that “everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have” can change how you interact with other people, but you need the Pause to be able to drop into that mindset.

It took me a while to believe that that was true. There are a lot of people doing shitty things in this world, to themselves and others. How can they be doing their best? But they are. The key to this is “with the tools that they have.” They may have shitty tools, thus their shitty behavior.

This mindset doesn’t excuse their behavior, but helps you see these people compassionately. It helps you let go of the anger and frustration IN YOU so that you can see more clearly. It helps reduce YOUR stress and anxiety in order to feel more peaceful inside.

You can then speak to that person in a calm and reasoned way and hopefully get your point across. Regardless of how they receive it, you can feel good about what you said, because you were responding, rather than reacting.

Practicing The Pause throughout the day, even just for a few minutes, can completely shift your mindset. I feel my heart open and my stress lift.

Ways to Pause

Take a few deep breaths
Sit for meditation
Practice yoga
Go for a walk
Stop talking and start listening

During those moments of Pause I train my brain to notice when I am in fight/flight/freeze/fawn and can choose to act from a grounded place, rather than a reactive one. It’s a work in progress, and so am I.

What is your favorite way to pause? Do you struggle with your own negativity bias? What are ways that you slow down to avoid reacting and can respond instead? Leave a comment!