The Mind is a Liar. Only Your Gut Tells You the Truth
Yamas and Niyamas part 2: Satya/Truth
There’s a saying by Robert Fulghum, “don’t believe everything you think.” I find there is a lot of truth to that. Our mind believes all sorts of things that it’s picked up over the years. Beliefs about our worthiness, or lack thereof, beliefs about our lovability, or lack thereof. There are so many beliefs that you may think are true, but actually aren’t.
Sometimes we misinterpret interactions with other people. We might mistake someone making a face as something personal toward us, when they are actually just thinking. We might misconstrue what someone says to us, when they actually meant something completely different. What is True?
The second Yama, Satya, or Truth is a slippery eel, since what is true for one person, may not be true for another. Truth can be very personal, and only you know what is true for you. But how do you know what is true?
We have 3 thought centers in the body: the Mind, the Heart, and the Gut. Each has its own wisdom, but only the Gut is infallible, and uninfluenced by circumstance. What I have found in my life, is that my Gut always knows what is true; my Mind mostly makes up stories about what it thinks is true.
The Mind
My mind makes up all sorts of stories, like “you’re too much” or “you can’t do that” or “don’t speak up, stay quiet,” etc. It’s references off of other people from the past. Maybe it was a parent, or teacher, or friend, or frenemy, where I learned to believe things about myself based on their own beliefs or actions, not what is actually true about me.
A parent’s inability to tolerate my emotions left me feeling like I was too much. I kept my feelings to myself, staying quiet, small, and invisible.
My parent’s divorce left me feeling like no one was there for me and I had to take care of everything on my own. I became very independent, but not great at asking for help.
My first “serious” boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere, leaving me feeling like I was easily discardable. Easy to abandon. Not good enough. It reinforced that I was too much and not lovable.
None of these things are actually true, yet my mind told me that they were.
When we are children, our main goal (whether we realize it or not) is survival. We take in cues from our caregivers and figure out how to stay safe. If your parents are warm, loving, and invested in meeting your physical and emotional needs, you feel safe and can grow and thrive.
If your parents are too busy to notice you, you will learn to take care of yourself. If your parents are emotionally immature, or dealing with their own struggles, they may not be able to show up for you and what you are going through.
Children cope in the best way that they can to stay safe. This sometimes means creating beliefs or unskillful coping strategies to keep themselves alive. The child of a violent addict will learn not to rock the boat and stay small and quiet. They may learn how to quickly “read the room” and steer clear of a parent on a bender.
A child who feels neglected may become a people pleaser or perfectionist in an attempt to gain some attention from the parent, and earn their love. They learn that they are not lovable unless their earn it by being perfect or making sure everyone else is okay. They believe that who they are isn’t enough, because if they were, their parents would pay attention.
A child doesn’t have the life context to understand that their parents are just people, they think it’s somehow their fault that their parent act the way they do. In reality, the parents are doing the best they can with the tools they have, and might just have shitty tools.
Unfortunately, that child eventually becomes an adult and takes their unskillful coping strategies with them into adulthood. What helped them survive their childhood ends up holding them back as adults. This is why practicing yoga off the mat like this can be helpful, to shine a light on what we believe, and figure out what is actually true.
Yoga, meditation, therapy, and journaling are all helpful tools to get you to the truth of who you are and what stories you’re telling yourself. Once you understand your mind’s lies, you can uncover what is true. Your mind isn’t cruel, it doesn’t mean to lie to you, it simply doesn’t have all the information.
The Heart
The heart feels all the emotions, according to Traditional Chinese Medicine. It feels joy, love, sadness, fear, anxiety, grief, anger, frustration, and so much more. When you feel things deeply, like I do, sometimes it’s easier to put up a wall around your heart so you don’t get hurt, or become overwhelmed by your emotions.
A walled off heart is safe and protected. She stays hidden, small and quiet. She doesn’t take risks, she doesn’t put herself out there, she ends up alone, no matter how many people are around her. It’s a safe but lonely existence. In order to feel love and connection, you need to allow yourself to feel heartbreak as well.
For years I craved connection, but struggled because I was scared to show my true self to others. I hid the truth of who I was out of fear that I wasn’t good enough to be loved as I was. I was weird, quirky, and didn’t really follow the “normal” rules of society. I never really fit into the “box” that other people set out for me.
But the outside world only saw the results of my perfectionism. I was a workaholic, driven, and stayed busy at all times. I kept busy so that I didn’t have to feel my loneliness, sadness, or any other emotions. Unfortunately, you can’t selectively numb. If you don’t feel the bad stuff, you also won’t feel the good stuff.
I believed that if people knew how I felt inside, they wouldn’t like me; I would be a burden to them if I shared my feelings. This kept people at arm’s length, just close enough to be in my circle, but not so close as to see my cracks and imperfections. They didn’t see the actual me, only what I showed them.
Eventually, I learned that in order to create meaningful connections, it required vulnerability.
Fuck.
My walls started to crumble. There was a lot of ugly crying. There was a lot of letting go of who I thought other people wanted me to be, and embracing who I actually am. Finding the truth of who I am took loving myself first.
I discovered that unless you show up as your true self, flaws, and strengths, and everything in between, people won’t know the real you and can’t actually see you. They only see their version of you, not the true you. Feeling seen is what allows you to feel loved. Deeply and fully. You can’t hide who you are and be seen at the same time.
I have learned to show up in the world, messy and imperfect as I am, and the truth is I am still lovable to the people that I care the most about. I am not everyone’s cup of tea, but I found “my people” by being me. Owning the truth of who I am is what saved me from a life of loneliness.
The Gut
So here we are finally: the Gut. Have you ever had a feeling in the pit of your stomach that something isn’t quite right? Maybe you’ve had a “hit” where you absolutely 100% know that this is what you are meant to do. These are messages from your Gut. It’s not an idea in your head, but something you feel viscerally.
I didn’t used to trust my Gut. What did she know anyway? Years ago, in my acupuncture practice, I would sometimes have a notion to use a particular point, but I wouldn’t know why. There wasn’t a rational reason for using it, but it would just come to me out of the ether. If I didn’t end up using that acupuncture point, the patient would inevitably say something after the treatment that told me that I should have used that point.
This happened frequently enough that I started to listen to that inner wise voice when seeing patients. I came to realize she was actually pretty smart (wicked smaht, as we say in Boston). I started listening to my Gut in other areas of my life too. Not only did she know things, she was right. Every time.
I am sure there is science behind this, I invite you to Google it if you are interested. I remember hearing about this concept on a podcast, though I can’t remember which one (I am a podcast junkie, there are so many possibilities…). I know that when I feel that particular sensation, I can trust it.
Trusting your Gut can take time since the Mind is often the louder voice that we hear. The Mind is trying to keep you safe so that you survive. Not always helpful, or necessary, depending on the circumstances. Learning to trust your Gut is typically the wiser move. The Gut always knows, you just need to listen.
The Gut operates on a deeper level, as our instinct, our intuition. Glennon Doyle refers to it as our “knowing.” To me, that is my Gut speaking to me. My Gut speaks the truth, Satya. She is not influenced by other people’s opinions or fears, she just knows. She knows when it’s okay to walk, and she knows when it’s time to run.
The Gut’s Satya is a felt sense, not a thought or an emotion. It’s a deep knowing that something is true. It might not make sense on the surface, but when you start to probe into it, you realize that it is definitely true.
Satya knows that at the core of our being, we are all worthy of love and belonging, not because of what we do, or who we are to other people, but because we exist. My Mind and Heart didn’t know this for a long time, and would dispute this, heartily. My Gut is not operating from fear, resentment, or grief, her truth taps into our common humanity, that which connects us all. Our Universal Oneness.
Satya comes from your Gut, that which emanates from your deep inner being, and what you Know to be true. For me, I know that not only am I loved, but I am Love. As are you.
Join me in the comments!
Do any or all of these prompts:
What is one decision you’ve made in your life that you just Knew was right?
How do you know when your Gut is speaking to you vs your Mind?
What is a belief that you hold about yourself that might not be true? What is actually true?
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Previous Posts in this series:
Hi Janine. I was listening to the audio while driving to an appointment. Your blog hit some and I could relate to almost all of that!! I actually started tearing up on the way to therapy today. It was a good opening at the start if the session too. I'm looking forward to hearing more of the series