I am a self-proclaimed podcast junkie. With every new-to-me podcast, I start at the beginning so that I can binge-listen and experience the progression of the podcasters as they get more comfortable on their platform. I really love that. I am often inspired to write by the podcasts that I listen to. Thus this post.
The newest podcast that I am diving into is “Bewildered” with Martha Beck and Rowan Mangan. They discuss moving from what The Culture teaches us back to our True Nature. Moving from consensus back to our senses. It’s so good.
In a recent-for-me episode, they were discussing anxiety, and being able to tolerate the discomfort of our feelings. This is something that I have been playing with for years, through yoga, meditation, and journaling.
Back then…
When I was young and had big feelings that weren’t well tolerated by the adults around me, so I learned how to numb my feelings. I would binge food, and TV, and later, boys and staying busy. Anything rather than letting myself feel what was actually inside. Sadness, loneliness, feeling unseen, unheard, and unloved.
When I started practicing yoga at age 23, I was introduced to many related practices, like chanting, meditation, and eventually journaling to process my emotions. These techniques taught me to be in my body and feel it, rather than try to run away from it. I learned to tolerate the discomfort of my feelings (anxiety, anger, fear, grief) rather than trying to numb myself and suppress.
It didn’t come easy at first. We are wired for pleasure, not discomfort. I still have to remind myself not to go to numbing first. It’s a never ending process, even at age 52.
In the podcast episode (Anxiety Files, vol. 1) they talked about the brain science of how we seek comfort and convenience. The more we move away from discomfort the less tolerance we have for it.
Discomfort vs Pain
I want to take a moment to discuss the difference between discomfort and pain. Your body speaks to you in the language of sensation, and understanding different types of sensations can help you understand your body a bit better. Immediate action is not always necessary.
Pain (sharp, shooting, throbbing, nervy, stabbing) is a sensation to listen to and not ignore. When you are practicing yoga (or doing anything really) if you feel this type of pain, your body is telling you to stop what you are doing immediately. If you push through pain, you will end up with injury. And, the older you get, the slower you heal, so staying mindful of what your body tells you matters. I injured myself a lot early on by not listening to my body and instead following my ego. Lesson learned…
Discomfort, on the other hand, is your body telling you something is wrong, and to pay attention, but it’s not necessarily urgent. This could be tightness, a vague diffuse sensation, an ache, or a pressure. You can sit with discomfort, and give it space to exist. Usually, when you pay attention, you will understand what you need. Maybe you need a drink of water, or a good cry, or sleep. Maybe your foot is falling asleep (like in meditation) and as soon as you move it, it will be fine.
Notice what your mind does with discomfort. Sometimes you panic and catastrophize, sometimes it reveals that you are struggling emotionally. When you don’t panic, you can let go of the stories you are telling yourself, making room for what is true. The panic voice is usually louder and based in fear; the quieter voice is usually the wiser one.
Both sensations are worth noticing, but pain is urgent, and discomfort may not be. If you can relax your mind and your breath, typically you are experiencing discomfort. If your heart, mind, and breath are racing, chances are it’s pain. If you are working hard to mentally to override the sensation, that is also probably pain. Let’s leave “No Pain, No Gain” in the ‘80s and ‘90s where it belongs.
Your instinct might be to avoid discomfort at all costs, but change doesn’t happen without discomfort. Growth isn’t comfortable, but knowing the difference between the discomfort that leads to growth and pain that leads to injury is key.
Yoga and Meditation
Both yoga and meditation teach us to tolerate appropriate discomfort. When you are in a yoga pose, like Warrior 2 for example, the longer you hold it, the more your body will speak to you. Staying with the discomfort for a little while will help strengthen your muscles and bones. However, you should never feel pain. If you do, back off and rest. Your goal is to balance strength with ease. You shouldn’t be struggling.
When practicing meditation you are usually sitting still, because stilling the body helps still the mind. When you are constantly fidgeting, your mind will be all over the place. Sitting still, while it helps settle the mind, can bring up different physical sensations. Your legs might fall asleep, your back or hips might ache, it happens. That’s why you (try to) set yourself up ahead of time to be as comfortable as possible. But still, discomfort happens.
This kind of discomfort teaches you to be less reactive and more responsive. When you notice, it creates just a little bit of space for you to see what actually is, rather than the story you are telling yourself about it. In this space, you get to decide what is acceptable and what isn’t. When you react, you have no power over the situation. You are at the mercy of your instincts and fear. When you respond, you have full control and power over what you do. If you have control over what you are doing, you decide how to act. This removes anxiety (which is focusing on things over which you have no control), and future regret. It’s the space of noticing that allows you to respond.
Discomfort is something to notice. When you pay attention to your body, you can respond appropriately. When you ignore your body, the discomfort will get louder and louder until you pay attention.
As a seasoned emotions ignorer and suppressor, I truly value my time on the mat, practicing both yoga and meditation, because it forces me to pay attention. That heaviness in my heart will go completely ignored until I stop and listen. I will doom scroll or eat when I’m not hungry and not know why. When I take the time to be still, the grief comes up, crashes like an ocean wave, then dissipates, releasing me from it’s grip.
Sensation is information
In the end, all sensation is information, and is our body’s way of communicating with us. It’s neither good nor bad. Some sensation can lead to injury (pain), some won’t (hunger, thirst, fatigue). When you can understand that discomfort is your body’s way of telling you something, it will lead to wisdom and deeper self knowledge.
You don’t need to suffer. “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” You can always opt out. Discomfort forces you to pay attention to your body. Maybe you stay with the discomfort to see what wisdom it holds. Maybe you move out of it because you decide that it’s hurting you. What matters is that you approach discomfort from a place of curiosity. What is this telling me right now? Is this a lesson I need to learn? Have I felt this before and learned back then? What does my body need me to know?
What have you noticed when it comes to discomfort?
Do you pay attention to your body?
Do you ignore it?
When you are achy from sitting for long periods do you get up and move?
When you are tired, do you rest?
What are the stories that you tell yourself and are they actually true?