In a previous post, “How you Talk to Yourself Matters” I discussed how your inner dialogue can deeply affect how you feel and how many of the voices in your head aren’t actually yours.
Today I want to look at the difference between “I can’t,” “I struggle with,” and the addition of “yet” to completely change how you feel.
Let’s look at the phrase “I can’t.”
“I can’t” shuts down the conversation. I can’t. End of story. There is no room to move, shift, or adjust your view. It’s a statement of fact. Whether you actually can or can’t isn’t the issue. Your brain has decided you are done.
Adding the word “yet” creates a little opening for growth. “I can’t yet” means that right now it’s not possible, but that maybe someday it will be. Notice how that feels different. “Yet” is a powerful word for one so small. Small and mighty.
Adding “yet” creates opening and space. It’s not the end, but gives the possibility of a future beginning.
“I’m not strong enough yet.”
“My book’s not finished yet.”
“I’m not fully healed yet.”
“I’m not there yet.”
Yet wields such incredible power over our beliefs. “I’m not strong enough” feels heavy and possibly elicits shame, but adding yet, means there is growth happening. Same with the other examples. Adding the word “yet” in your mind can be the difference between giving up and continuing on.
“Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you’re right.” ~Henry Ford
What about the phrase “I struggle with.” This also creates room for movement. Right now I struggle with X, but that doesn’t mean I will struggle forever. I can get help, I can learn more, then I can let go of the struggle.
If you are always telling yourself you can’t, you won’t. You won’t write that book, take that yoga class, or make time for yourself. If you can’t do something yet, you are acknowledging that right now is not the time, but you want to in the future, and it’s possible that you could then. It creates possibilities. “I struggle to make time for my self care” could be a true statement that requires some action to remedy.
You validate your struggle without shutting off future possibilities. It feels open, larger, and like there is a bit of space. There is vulnerability there which allows for receiving support. Asking for help is a superpower in my eyes. It means you are not stuck in shame, but are present enough to tune in and know what you need.
And even if you don’t know what you need, you can figure it out. Everything is figureoutable if you can sit and ask the right questions with the right words.
Practice:
Notice your thoughts. Where are you shutting yourself down and eliminating ways to solve a problem?
What beliefs do you hold as truths that are not actually true? Some of my personal favorites have been I’m simultaneously too much and not enough (I continue to be puzzled by the physics of that), and I’m not loveable because I’m not perfect. What are yours? What is actually true about you?
I find journaling to be a helpful tool to wade through some of these questions. Write it down, let the words flow through your pen. Find out something new!
Need more support? In March I am running an online program with live meditation classes and daily journal prompts to support you on your journey toward knowing, understanding, and loving yourself. Meditation in March is for anyone looking to cultivate a regular meditation and/or journaling practice, whether you’ve been doing it for years, or don’t even know where to start. Click here for more information or to sign up. We start March 1!