You Get to Be This Old, Embrace it!
Stop lying about your age!
One
When I was a kid, my maternal grandmother would lie about her age. I never knew how old she actually was until she turned 100. She ended up living until 106, but for most of her life, I could only guess. She was always very coy about it.
This trend didn’t stop with her daughter, my mother. My mom was “30 plus” for much of my childhood. One year on my mom’s birthday my sister asked how old she was. Mon replied, “30 plus.” My sister gasped, “STILL?!” It’s an ongoing joke in the family.
Mom eventually aged up to “35 plus” somewhere in my teen years or early 20s. Then she started lying about how old my sister and I were, because she couldn’t possibly be old enough to have daughters as old as we were. I was in my 20s for much longer than 10 years. I joke that I am now older than my mom because she is still 35 plus and I am 52.
Two
I have always owned my age. Maybe it’s because I am GenX and don’t care, or maybe because I actually love aging. I’ve been told I have an old soul, which I believe. I’ve always been friends with and related better to people who were older than me, pretty much my whole life. The father of my kids is 5.5 years older than me, though I think emotionally I have always been older than he is.
To me, age means wisdom. As someone who has suffered from Imposter Syndrome many times over the years, I used to feel like if I looked older, then maybe I will seem like I know things. I loved the few “wisdom sparkles” in my hair in my 30s when I started practicing acupuncture. I felt like they added to my credibility as an practitioner, like somehow they meant I knew what I was doing. I was embracing the Crone even back then.
In the 70s and 80s there were anti-smoking ads on TV that said smoking will age your face skin (among other warnings). At the time I thought that was great! I saw looking older as a positive thing. That was one of the things that started me smoking at age 13. Looking back, I felt like an adult emotionally; I wanted my outsides to match.
My parents divorced when I was around 10. My mom went into a depression and my dad lived outside the house (I lived with my mom). I felt alone. Even though my sister was there (she’s almost 3 years younger than I am), I don’t remember her being around. I was depressed too, as I see now, but no one noticed. I stayed by myself and started my journey of becoming the fiercely independent woman I am now; I had no choice. All of my physical needs were met, but no one was going to help me navigate my emotional needs. I had figure out everything for myself.
Recently I read the book “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay C. Gibson, and have never felt so seen by a book in my life. I finally understood why I was the way I was and made the choices that I did. I understood why I always felt like the adult, even when I wasn’t. I felt like I had to be responsible and didn’t know how to relax and have fun. I figured out why I chose the men that I dated and married. It all became clear. I also learned why I felt older than my years.
Three
Age is a funny thing. The number has more to do with how many years you’ve been on this planet and a lot less to do with “how old you are.” Feeling old or young is what matters. How does your body move? How well does your mind work? How do you feel day to day? These questions matter so much more than what year you were born.
Three people can be 55 but appear radically different in terms of their health. One can seem 35, one 55, and another 75, all based on how they live their lives. Diet, exercise, stress, and sleep all play a part in how we age. Some is also genetics, but we can’t control that. We can control how we spend our day.
I say embrace your age. You get to be this old! Not everyone is so lucky. Some people didn’t wake up today and you did. Thank you for spending some of your waking hours reading this! How else do you do occupy your time? Do you spend it living, resting, pushing, crying, laughing, moving, or something else? No judgment, simply something to notice.
“You either get busy living or get busy dying.” ~Andy Dufresne and Ellis “Red” Redding from Shawshank Redemption
I have always thought that age is just a number, it’s what you do with that number that matters. It’s never too late to start something new. I found new love at age 45. I started my yoga business at 49 after teaching in other people’s studios since age 26. I wrote a book at age 52 that’s coming out soon. Don’t let age hold you back from living your life. Embrace the wisdom sparkles in your hair and the laugh lines on your face. They mean you are still here, and still breathing. You have one life to live. How are you living?
Join me on the mat!
Practicing yoga is something that has given me great joy over the years because of how it makes me feel. If I wake up stiff, a short yoga practice has me loosened up and ready to handle my day. I feel strong and steady on my feet, as well as comfortable in my skin. Meditation helps me get out of my head and feel calm and centered. What’s holding you back?
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At 63, I appreciate this so much. No matter what our age, the only time we're certain that we have is this moment. So the question is, "What's the most meaningful thing to do with it?" Reading your posts this morning is a good start.
I embrace my age of 55.
Just yesterday I saw a photo of some of my high school classmates. One of us passed away, basically from alcohol and hard living. Those who lived close went to his funeral.
I was shocked to see how old they presented as. Like you said, three people of the same age will look quite different. But most of them seem week past the the age of 55. Almost all of them are overweight and slumped, wrinkled, worn out looking.
I know I don’t look like that. I stand tall, because I practice my posture and use yoga to stay flexible. I hold my head high because I have plans for the future and optimistic outlooks. I value my body, so I feed it with good nutrition at least 80% of the time.
I’m 55 and I will own that age.