I really love the way you took this out of the binary. In other words, you framed it as your capacity to love others expands as you expand your capacity to love yourself. It's not an either/or. I think, too often, my focus on self-love has been felt as just another place where I'm not enough, another place for trying too hard, another place to blame myself for not being able to have love in my life the way I want. That mindset has reinforced the feeling I'm on my own to "do love right." Your piece went right to my heart, like a deep breath of relief, comfort and hope.
I'm so glad my writing had such a positive impact on you! Life is not all or nothing, black and white, and neither is love. It's a spectrum, a gradient, and can grow and change as we do. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words and insights, Kathy. 🙏💜
Your metaphor of flowing water as an image for love really resonated with me and feels true to my own experience. Most of the time when I've felt cut off from love, it's been because I've pushed it away from me by separating myself from others, being afraid to approach them as myself. It's something I still do, in large part because in the family I grew up in it almost never felt like a safe place to practice vulnerability. In fact, being vulnerable was often punished with ridicule. This is why I'm convinced of the importance of a community or sangha. I think it's very hard to convince yourself on your own that you are worthy of love *and* that others can and will find you lovable. When your early experiences of life are in a setting where others don't treat you as lovable, you need a communal experience to convince you that this first experience was wrong. At least that's what I believe. Thank you for this piece, and I don't think it meandered at all.
"When your early experiences of life are in a setting where others don't treat you as lovable, you need a communal experience to convince you that this first experience was wrong.When your early experiences of life are in a setting where others don't treat you as lovable, you need a communal experience to convince you that this first experience was wrong." 100%, Miguel!
Thanks Miguel. I often come back to the idea that our experience with our family of origin is not necessarily an accurate depiction of the full human experience. Parents are people, and do the best they can with the tools they have, but sometimes have really shitty tools. When they have wounds that they don't do the work to heal, they pass them on to their children. As children, we learn our worth from our parents and sometimes get these inaccurate messages. I know that was true for me. Finding a safe group, a Sangha, when you feel safe, seen, and heard can make all the difference. I try to cultivate that experience in everything I do, from my classes, retreats, patients, everything. When we feel safe, that's when we thrive.
Yes! "When we feel safe, that's when we thrive." You've said exactly what I was trying to convey. Often in our culture, we often confuse being able to survive or succeed or achieve means we are thriving. But for me, to thrive means to be as close to your full self as possible. I think many people have achieved or succeeded a great deal while all the while being lost inside. But deep thriving happens when have the support to express our true selves. When we have that, we have love.
Love ourselves is not a selfish behaviour, it is about pay more attention to make things in right way and take our deserves according to efforts to provide.
This is lovely Janine, what beautiful words! Metta and gratitude are my two favourite self care practices too, and really shift my mindset. Love this! 🧡
I really love the way you took this out of the binary. In other words, you framed it as your capacity to love others expands as you expand your capacity to love yourself. It's not an either/or. I think, too often, my focus on self-love has been felt as just another place where I'm not enough, another place for trying too hard, another place to blame myself for not being able to have love in my life the way I want. That mindset has reinforced the feeling I'm on my own to "do love right." Your piece went right to my heart, like a deep breath of relief, comfort and hope.
I'm so glad my writing had such a positive impact on you! Life is not all or nothing, black and white, and neither is love. It's a spectrum, a gradient, and can grow and change as we do. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words and insights, Kathy. 🙏💜
Your metaphor of flowing water as an image for love really resonated with me and feels true to my own experience. Most of the time when I've felt cut off from love, it's been because I've pushed it away from me by separating myself from others, being afraid to approach them as myself. It's something I still do, in large part because in the family I grew up in it almost never felt like a safe place to practice vulnerability. In fact, being vulnerable was often punished with ridicule. This is why I'm convinced of the importance of a community or sangha. I think it's very hard to convince yourself on your own that you are worthy of love *and* that others can and will find you lovable. When your early experiences of life are in a setting where others don't treat you as lovable, you need a communal experience to convince you that this first experience was wrong. At least that's what I believe. Thank you for this piece, and I don't think it meandered at all.
"When your early experiences of life are in a setting where others don't treat you as lovable, you need a communal experience to convince you that this first experience was wrong.When your early experiences of life are in a setting where others don't treat you as lovable, you need a communal experience to convince you that this first experience was wrong." 100%, Miguel!
Thanks Miguel. I often come back to the idea that our experience with our family of origin is not necessarily an accurate depiction of the full human experience. Parents are people, and do the best they can with the tools they have, but sometimes have really shitty tools. When they have wounds that they don't do the work to heal, they pass them on to their children. As children, we learn our worth from our parents and sometimes get these inaccurate messages. I know that was true for me. Finding a safe group, a Sangha, when you feel safe, seen, and heard can make all the difference. I try to cultivate that experience in everything I do, from my classes, retreats, patients, everything. When we feel safe, that's when we thrive.
Yes! "When we feel safe, that's when we thrive." You've said exactly what I was trying to convey. Often in our culture, we often confuse being able to survive or succeed or achieve means we are thriving. But for me, to thrive means to be as close to your full self as possible. I think many people have achieved or succeeded a great deal while all the while being lost inside. But deep thriving happens when have the support to express our true selves. When we have that, we have love.
Yes, exactly.
Love ourselves is not a selfish behaviour, it is about pay more attention to make things in right way and take our deserves according to efforts to provide.
Exactly.
This is lovely Janine, what beautiful words! Metta and gratitude are my two favourite self care practices too, and really shift my mindset. Love this! 🧡
Thanks Kate, they are really powerful practices for that. 💜