Do you Feel Like you are Losing Your Mind?

The Power of Paying Attention

I don’t know about you, but at age 52, my mind is not as sharp as it was in my 20s. I could remember all sorts of things back then: phone numbers, names and faces, events in my personal history, and where I put things. Now, unless I have routines in place (like hanging my keys by the door), I have to work diligently to remember “all the things.”

My son is often amused when, upon leaving the car, I ask him if I remembered to lock the doors. “You always do, mom,” he says with a teenage eye roll, but I always press the button again, just in case. Usually it was already locked.

What I have come to realize is that while my memory seems to be fading, it’s not actually that I am getting senile. I have stopped paying attention. When I apply mindfulness to my daily activities, even something as simple as locking my car doors, my memory improves.

This might look like watching myself press the door lock button on my car key. It might be saying out loud, “I am putting my phone down on the counter.” Bringing my waking attention to something small like this pretty much guarantees that I will remember what I did.

I am also a huge list maker, journaler, and general “write things downer,” because there is always too much going on in my head to remember everything. That might also be part of the problem. In my 20s, I had many fewer things to keep track of than I do now. I only had to think about myself. Now I have my things, my kids’ things, my house things, my business things… that’s a lot of things running through my brain All. The. Time. If I don’t write things down when I think of them, they’re gone.

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

Coming back to Mindfulness. How much of my day do I blow through not paying attention? A lot. Autopilot is how I ran my life for many years, and it’s a comfortable shoe I can easily slip back into. But it no longer serves me.

Autopilot was how I lived during my 20s. I was constantly on the go, no time to feel anything. I would just keep moving from one thing to the next.

Autopilot was how I got through my kids’ early childhood. Sleep deprivation is no joke, and my older boy wasn’t a good sleeper (he still isn’t). I just kept moving, trying to survive the day. It wasn’t ideal, but somehow, we all made it through.

Autopilot started to shift in my late 30s/early 40s when I noticed that I wasn’t happy in my life. My marriage wasn’t working for me anymore and neither was the autopilot. Allowing myself to feel wasn’t pretty, but it was SO necessary to get me to where I am today.

Practicing mindfulness and meditation was what initiated that shift.

Noticing is the first step of Mindfulness. When you slow down enough to notice what is happening around you and within you, you create a little bit of space. It’s that space that gives you power and control over yourself. It is impossible to change anything when you are unaware of a problem, and it’s easy to go through your day (or life) and not notice anything. It’s the noticing that gives you the opportunity to take action, or to at least evaluate the situation.

Autopilot kept me from feeling my deep unhappiness, and left me numb. Once I brought attention to how I was feeling, I had the power to change my situation. Mindfulness let me feel, it also helped me notice what I was doing in my day.

I noticed placing my phone on the counter. I noticed locking my car doors. I noticed placing my journal next to my bed. I remembered an incredible conversation with a friend because I was fully present and mindfully listening. Taking the time to notice your actions helps your memory. This has been my experience.

What has been your experience with mindfulness? Do you practice regularly? How much of your day do you go on autopilot?

Mindfulness simply means paying attention, bringing your mind to what you are doing. We are so distractible these days, it’s easy to lose focus. Mindfulness, like meditation, takes practice to get the hang of it. It’s a habit that you can cultivate, like any other. Although Neurotypical brains might have an “easier” time with this than Neurodiverse brains, it’s not an impossible skill to learn; it may just take more practice and intention.

Start small. Feel the water on your hands while you wash dishes. Feel the ground under your feet while you walk. Take in the smells while you or someone else is cooking. Start paying attention to the small things, and you may notice yourself paying better attention to the bigger things too.

Mindfulness teaches you to let go of everything except for what is happening right now. Thoughts of the past and future become less important, as you are focusing on what you are doing right now. This is easier with tasks you are excited about, harder with the “have to” type tasks, but it can applied to everything you do.

We only have control in the present. We can’t change the past or the future, we can only create action in this moment.

Mindfulness is engaging with your life in a meaningful, purposeful way. We only have one life. You might as well notice yourself living it.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around every once in a while, you could miss it.” ~Ferris Bueller