How Mindfulness Will Get You Out of Your Own Way
What is Mindfulness?
According to the Google Dictionary, Mindfulness is:
the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
Boiled down, Mindfulness is about paying attention to what is happening right now. Sometimes when you are doing a rote task, your mind wanders. Perhaps the task is boring and doesn't take any brain power to do, like when you wash the dishes or fold laundry. Your mind can wander and think of other things because you don't need to pay attention to the task at hand. This is not mindfulness.
Mindfulness would be feeling the soap and water on your hands as you sponge off a dish. Mindfulness would be noticing the sensation of the shirt in your hands and being aware of how you are folding it. Paying attention is the key to being mindful.
Not everything requires mindfulness, but some things do
It takes more brain power, for sure, to pay attention than to let your mind wander. And in those tasks I mentioned above, there is absolutely no harm in tuning out for a bit and letting your body to the work. Sometimes the mind needs a break, and I encourage you to take that break when you need to.
However, connection with other people, or basic interactions, in my opinion, require mindfulness. If you are in a relationship with someone and they are speaking and your mind is wandering, this will not bode well for your relationship. To build true connection, being present and actively listening is essential.
Nothing is worse than feeling unseen or unheard in a relationship. Mindfulness brings you to what is happening right now, whether that is talking with someone, sex, or some other interaction. Being fully awake and aware of what is happening allows you to fully experience what is happening. It allows you to feel love, joy, and connection.
Mindfulness creates space
Most reactions are due to lack of space. Someone cuts you off in traffic and you start yelling at them from your car. They can't hear you, so really, you are yelling at yourself in their direction. You are the only one suffering in that interaction. They drive off in blissful ignorance of your upset. Don't get me started on yelling at the TV during sports. The refs can't hear you! But I digress...
Mindfulness allows you to see things as they are, because instead of reacting, you notice what is. One of my yoga students sends blessings to people who cut her off in traffic. The other day I found myself wishing an aggressive driver safety on his trip. Other people's behavior is not about us, it's about them. We just happen to be there at the same time.
When I was in labor with my 2nd child, we drove to the hospital at 3:30am (because my kids never let me sleep back then). On the way, there was a car in front of us going really slowly. My son was coming really quickly. I told my husband to go around, so he did.
The other driver didn't know I was in labor (I delivered at 5:02am), and if I had been the other driver, I might have had some choice things to say about me at the time. You never know what is going on with another person. All you can do is wish them well and hope everyone gets where they are going safely. Mindfulness gives us the power to do that. We are all doing the best we can with the tools we have. Your upset is about you and your beliefs, and nobody else.
There is power in the pause
When you don't pause, you become a victim of your reactions. You are typically reacting from your "lizard brain," which is fight, flight, or freeze. Mindfulness slows you down enough to notice what is happening in your body. Do you feel triggered? Are you operating on autopilot? What is happening in your body and what sensations do you feel?
Noticing your physical sensations brings you back into your body and back to rational thinking. When your mind is reacting, there is no logic. That part of your brain is offline. When you are in your body, you can control your breath. You can notice the stories you are telling yourself, like "that guy who cut me off is an asshole!" Maybe his wife is in labor, or maybe she's an ER doctor needed in an emergency. We just don't know.
We can notice the rush of adrenaline that fuels our actions, and instead of giving into the actions, we pause. People rarely regret their actions when they have thought them through. You frequently regret your actions when you do or say things without thinking. I know I do. Mindfulness slows you down, creates space, and gives you the opportunity to think things through.
Practicing Mindfulness
Mindfulness is not some esoteric practice, it is easy to apply to daily living. The next time you drive somewhere, especially a route you know by heart, pay attention. Notice the car in front of you. Notice the trees or buildings lining the sides of the road. Bring your attention to the weather outside. Maybe simply notice your breathing as you go. Notice when your mind wanders away from driving and bring it back with kindness and gentleness toward yourself.
Practicing Mindfulness doesn't have to happen on a yoga mat or meditation cushion, although it can. Yoga and meditation are opportunities to practice Mindfulness when the stakes are relatively low. The main reason to practice is so that you have access to those skills when you need them.
Doing poses on the mat brings you into your body and out of your head. When practicing Warrior 2, for example, you are not thinking about your to do list or the argument with your sibling. Your mind is focused on the effort you feel in your legs and on what is happening right now.
When you sit in meditation, you notice what is happening. Your breath flows, maybe your hip aches, your mind wanders, and you bring it back. You notice what is happening right now without attachment, judgement, or criticism. As a witness of the present moment, you are practicing Mindfulness. This is something you can take with you off the mat.
Join me on the Mat!
If you are over 50 and looking for opportunities to practice mindfulness and yoga online, join me at Purple Room Yoga! I have live online classes as well as an extensive Video Library filled with classes for all levels of experience. Touching your toes is not a requirement. I also offer courses, workshops, and retreats for active adults over 50 looking to cross-train for life! Click here to get the weekly email newsletter and stay up to date on all the things!
Is this practice only for women?
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