My heart goes out to you. I have a very similar story - two boys, divorce. But it is my youngest who has pulled away from me. I was estranged from my mother for over 30 years before her death and fear it gives my kids the idea that it is okay to just walk away when things get rough. (Of course the estrangement was much more serious than that.) I hate mother's day. And because I live in Norway, I get hit with it twice a year - once here and once in the media. So much guilt. We each find our way, I guess. I do take my guilt to the mat. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes, it really doesn't. I know that makes me a heretic.
I don't think you are a heretic, Ren, simply human. Family relationships can be so hard, and complicated. I think we need to collectively stop shaming ourselves and accept that family is hard.
When you subscribe to my Substack, you get all of my articles, published Tuesdays and Saturdays. Purple Room Yoga is my online yoga business that has its own weekly newsletter that goes out in Thursdays and talks about all of my yoga offerings. That is a separate subscription but also free. I hope that helps!
Janine, tomorrow take the time to honor yourself. Take the hand of the little girl you once were & tell her how special she is and how much she is worthy of love. Take the time to be a mother to yourself. My son & I were estranged for years when he was J’s age for similar reasons but as he grew & experienced his own misgivings & mistakes, he found his was back to me understanding that despite how much he thought I let him down, he figured out that everything I did came from a deep place of love and was able to let his anger go. Today, our relationship is one rooted in love, mutual respect and a healthy humorous regard for each other’s quirky behaviors.
I’d like to add that our children’s anger at their parents is cut from the cloth of love. Indifference is the real killer. All the years that I thought our separation was indifference was really just my son growing up and learning about his imperfections and mine. When I let go to give him this space, I learned he needed that space and whatever time was needed. I think angry children are struggling to reconnect to a deep abiding love with their parents. I felt your post deeply. Thank you ❤️
Thanks for that Heather. Children hold their parents on pedestals, and when the realize that their parents are just people it can be a crushing blow. I was perfect in his eyes, and now I am the person that "ruined his childhood." I understand that those are his feelings, and I can see things differently, but he can't yet. It's hard right now, but there is a glimmer of hope for the future. I know deep down he loves me, he's just hurt and angry.
Thank you so much for sharing this Janine. This also resonates with me. Without bogging you down with great detail my wife and I are currently experiencing issues. We been married 36 years and are at a crossroads. It’s been hard. I pretty much do everything. Try to be the best husband I can be but things just don’t seem to be working. So for you to share your story really helps in a way you couldn’t imagine. Thank you 🙏
I'm so sorry, Pete. Marriage is tough, and sometimes people grow in different directions. That's what happened with me. Be kind to yourself. I am glad my writing helped.
Might I add that family member rifts and unresolved issues is the worst. My sister and I estranged from a family member. It was something we needed to do, but it hurts every day
I feel you on this. My sister and I are estranged as well. Years ago she screwed is over after my mom passed and to this day will not come clean on what happened.
Thank you so much for sharing and you are not alone with your feelings. I have bitter sweet feelings about Mother's Day. I lost my own mother 14 years ago and my mother-in-law 5 years. I became a mom at 38 after years of infertility. I had a pregnancy loss 3 years later. I was only 8 weeks but it was a loss for me. I grieve not being able to have more children but I'm thankful for what I have. It is a gift, but I still grieve
Grief is part of life, and it's hard. I am realizing it's a constant undercurrent that periodically surfaces on days like these. I am so sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing, Jane.
My heart goes out to you. I have a very similar story - two boys, divorce. But it is my youngest who has pulled away from me. I was estranged from my mother for over 30 years before her death and fear it gives my kids the idea that it is okay to just walk away when things get rough. (Of course the estrangement was much more serious than that.) I hate mother's day. And because I live in Norway, I get hit with it twice a year - once here and once in the media. So much guilt. We each find our way, I guess. I do take my guilt to the mat. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes, it really doesn't. I know that makes me a heretic.
I don't think you are a heretic, Ren, simply human. Family relationships can be so hard, and complicated. I think we need to collectively stop shaming ourselves and accept that family is hard.
It does thank you. I asked because I was viewing the purple room online classes and there looks some pretty cool options.
Thanks! Let me know if I can answer any questions for you. I have a 10 day free trial if you want to try out some classes. You're welcome anytime!
I have to ask Janine are subscriptions solely for Mother’s Day is rough and all your articles? And is the purple room separate?
When you subscribe to my Substack, you get all of my articles, published Tuesdays and Saturdays. Purple Room Yoga is my online yoga business that has its own weekly newsletter that goes out in Thursdays and talks about all of my yoga offerings. That is a separate subscription but also free. I hope that helps!
Janine, tomorrow take the time to honor yourself. Take the hand of the little girl you once were & tell her how special she is and how much she is worthy of love. Take the time to be a mother to yourself. My son & I were estranged for years when he was J’s age for similar reasons but as he grew & experienced his own misgivings & mistakes, he found his was back to me understanding that despite how much he thought I let him down, he figured out that everything I did came from a deep place of love and was able to let his anger go. Today, our relationship is one rooted in love, mutual respect and a healthy humorous regard for each other’s quirky behaviors.
Thanks so much for this Heather. That gives me hope, for sure. 💜
I’d like to add that our children’s anger at their parents is cut from the cloth of love. Indifference is the real killer. All the years that I thought our separation was indifference was really just my son growing up and learning about his imperfections and mine. When I let go to give him this space, I learned he needed that space and whatever time was needed. I think angry children are struggling to reconnect to a deep abiding love with their parents. I felt your post deeply. Thank you ❤️
Thanks for that Heather. Children hold their parents on pedestals, and when the realize that their parents are just people it can be a crushing blow. I was perfect in his eyes, and now I am the person that "ruined his childhood." I understand that those are his feelings, and I can see things differently, but he can't yet. It's hard right now, but there is a glimmer of hope for the future. I know deep down he loves me, he's just hurt and angry.
And if nobody has said it happy Mother’s Day ❤️
Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing this Janine. This also resonates with me. Without bogging you down with great detail my wife and I are currently experiencing issues. We been married 36 years and are at a crossroads. It’s been hard. I pretty much do everything. Try to be the best husband I can be but things just don’t seem to be working. So for you to share your story really helps in a way you couldn’t imagine. Thank you 🙏
I'm so sorry, Pete. Marriage is tough, and sometimes people grow in different directions. That's what happened with me. Be kind to yourself. I am glad my writing helped.
Might I add that family member rifts and unresolved issues is the worst. My sister and I estranged from a family member. It was something we needed to do, but it hurts every day
I feel you on this. My sister and I are estranged as well. Years ago she screwed is over after my mom passed and to this day will not come clean on what happened.
So sad that this can happen after the death of what is sometimes the glue of the family. Not always
Life takes some weird twists and turns. It’s never linear that’s for sure. And when it comes to money things can go real sideways.
That's for sure
It's so hard when people can't take responsibility for their actions. Sadly you can't make them. Sometimes the only action is estrangement.
It is Janine. And estrangement is hard. But sometimes for the good of one’s mental health these things have to happen.
For sure, I feel that too. Family can be tough.
Thank you so much for sharing and you are not alone with your feelings. I have bitter sweet feelings about Mother's Day. I lost my own mother 14 years ago and my mother-in-law 5 years. I became a mom at 38 after years of infertility. I had a pregnancy loss 3 years later. I was only 8 weeks but it was a loss for me. I grieve not being able to have more children but I'm thankful for what I have. It is a gift, but I still grieve
Grief is part of life, and it's hard. I am realizing it's a constant undercurrent that periodically surfaces on days like these. I am so sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing, Jane.
Sending you virtual hugs. There are so many things and people living or not that we grieve
You too!