Society is Wrong. Love Your Body The Way It Is.

No need to fix or change anything.

While our fat-shaming, anti-aging society would have us believing that only perfectly fit, young people should love their body, I am here to offer an alternative view.

You can love your body even when:

• you are over 50

• you have extra padding on your hips, thighs and belly

• there are “wisdom sparkles” in your hair

• there are laugh lines on your face

• your skin is looser than it used to be

• you don’t move the way you used to

You can love your body just as it is.

We create our own suffering when we deny or resist what is. When you complain about your various aches and pains it doesn’t make them better, it only focuses your attention on your ailments. What if you could be grateful for the body that you have, even if it hurts? You are alive, breathing, thinking, and loving. Even if your body hurts, you can still show it affection.

Pain is subjective

When your body hurts, your mindset can make it better or worse. Let’s say your pain is a 5 on a scale of 0-10 (10 = give me morphine, 0 = no pain). If you are anxious about the pain, worrying if it will ever go away, if it will get worse, if this is your life from now on, your experience of the pain becomes an 8. Alternatively, if you can take some deep breaths and slow down your racing mind, the pain becomes a 3.

Sometimes, the mind can take the pain away completely. I have done meditations where I visualize stuffing the pain into a helium balloon and letting it float away; this can reduce or eliminate my pain. The mind is a powerful tool when used wisely.

Chronic pain can be difficult to manage as it’s ongoing, but it is similar to managing grief: it’s always there, but you learn to live with it as a baseline, accepting that it will be part of your life for the long term. When you have flares, your work with mindset can help.

Honor the body that you have

No matter how your body looks or feels, you can show it kindness, love, and compassion. Finding acceptance is how you do it. When you can accept your age, you don’t care if your body isn’t what it was when you were 20.

I am 52. I expect my body to be 52. When something hurts or I have hot flashes, I accept what is. I do what I can to make things better, and let go of what I can’t control. Yes, the sleep deprivation makes me cranky, but I do what I can to get the best night’s sleep possible, knowing that I can’t control everything.

It seems like such a simple thing to accept what is, but societal messages surrounding age, thinness, and more abound. It’s the soup we swim in. We’re told young is beautiful and old is not. We’re told thin is healthy and fat is not. We’re told you need 6-pack abs to be strong. I’m here to tell you that none of this is actually true.

I accept the wisdom sparkles in my hair; they show I have been around for awhile. The lines near my eyes show that I have had laughter and joy in my life. I have padding covering my 6-pack abs, yet they are strong and supportive, even if you can’t see them. I love my changing body as it is. It’s been changing my whole life, and I can accept that truth. The only constant is change.

The path of least resistance

Resistance leads to suffering, acceptance enables ease. What does it look like to accept what is?

When the light turns red, you stop. You can either be frustrated that the light is keeping you from your destination, or you can accept the pause in your drive. The light is going to be red regardless, accepting that you are at a red light will ease your frustration.

When your kids/grandkids are losing their shit because they are tired, and cranky, you can yell at them for not behaving, or you can calm yourself, get everyone calm, and then address the problem at hand. Yelling will only escalate the situation. Accept that they are out of sorts, then regulate yourself; it will help them get calm too.

With acceptance, comes peace. Acceptance won’t change the situation, you can’t control that, but you can control how you respond to it. Focus on what you can control to release your resistance.

Loving your body

Acceptance is the key to loving your body. Wishing that your body was some other way can create self-loathing. Accepting your body as it is can help you love it. When you find acceptance first, it opens the door to love.

Treat your body lovingly by caring for it. Give yourself the amount of sleep that your body requires, to the best of your ability. Let go of stressing about sleep and invite it in. When you are awake in the middle of the night, allow yourself to be peaceful about it. If you can stay calm and simply rest, often sleep will find you again. Focus on your breath to let go of racing thoughts.

Feed yourself food that fuels your body to get through your day. Food that is nourishing will give you energy that is sustainable. The more you focus on food as fuel, rather than simply stopping your hunger, the better your body will feel.

Move your body in a way that you enjoy. Exercise should not be punishment, it should be fun and feel good. Find joy with movement, whatever that looks like. You don’t need to go to the gym for it to count.

Love different parts of your body, perhaps parts that you struggle with. Put loving hands on that body part and send it love and appreciation for all that it does for you. Love your butt, thighs, and belly, no matter how big or small they are. They are you and you are worth loving.

Gratitude practice

Gratitude is a useful practice that can help you love your body. Practicing gratitude opens your heart and focuses you toward positive and nourishing thoughts. Try these practices:

1. Write down 3 body parts that you are grateful for and feel the gratitude. “I am grateful for my lungs that breathe for me all day. I am grateful for my legs that allow me to walk through the world. I am grateful for my hands that touch, hold, grasp, and allow me to do all the things.”

2. Write down 3 body parts that you struggle to love and find gratitude for them too. “I am grateful for the insulation over my belly, it gives me shape and is something to hold. I am grateful for my nose. It’s shape connects me to my grandfather. I am grateful for my butt, it is strong and good for sitting on.”

3. Write down 3 ways that you are grateful for your body over all. “I am grateful that my body takes me where I want to go. I am grateful that I breathe and my heart beats automatically to sustain my life. I am grateful for all of the sensations I feel in my body. It lets me know that I am alive.”

Bonus: Please read A Prayer For My Belly by Corie Feiner. Corie writes poetry, often focused on yoga poses. She will be running a Bodylove Poetry Writing Workshop in November if you are interested. More details in her post.

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