Stop Talking (Temporarily) to Quiet Your Worry-Filled Mind
Silence is not only golden, but is like a balm to your nervous system
Are you a nervous talker, or know someone who is? It’s common, when feeling anxious or on edge, to talk non-stop in an attempt to disconnect from the worries inside your mind. As an introvert, I get quiet when I am anxious, like a deer caught in the headlights. I tend toward the third option when it comes to “fight, flight, or freeze.” I’m not sure which category nervous talking falls into, it might also be freeze. Even though the mouth keeps moving, the body often shuts down. Don’t quote me on that.
What happens to your body when your mind is full of worry? I find when your head is spinning, you disconnect from your body, unaware that it even exists. In my mind, I visualize anxiety to be like my head is a balloon floating over my body, barely tethered by the string. This is why practices such as yoga, T’ai Chi, and exercise in general help with anxiety, as they reconnect you to your body. It also helps when you stop talking.
What is worry?
The mind likes to create problems and drama, often where they don’t actually exist. It’s a habit that often starts young, either as a coping strategy or as a learned behavior from an anxious parent or caregiver. Going over every possible outcome of a situation might have been a survival strategy, and may have served you long ago. But now, it’s a colossal waste of time and energy, and doesn’t get you anywhere.
Worry and anxiety usually live in the future. We worry about what “might happen if.” I call it playing the “What If” game. Unfortunately, although you can plan for the future, you don’t actually have any control over it. That lack of control causes anxiety. Worrying feels like you are doing something, even if you are just spinning your wheels. You aren’t actually fixing or changing anything, since the future is not controllable, no matter how many contingency plans you create.
The only think you can actually control is yourself in the present moment. That’s it. When you focus on things you can’t control, anxiety increases. When you focus on things you can control, the anxiety goes away.
The Challenge of silence
All day long our senses get bombarded by stimuli, from scrolling on our phones, ambient noise, TVs, people, and more. This constant stimulation revs the nervous system, increases our baseline stress levels, and makes it harder to wind down at the end of the day.
A common complaint from new meditators is that their mind keeps thinking and they can’t control their thoughts. When you meditate, you physically stop talking and stop moving your body, but often the mind keeps talking inside your head. The less you move (including your mouth), the calmer your nervous system gets, and eventually your mind does learn to stop talking too. All it takes is practice.
Silence and meditation teach your body and mind to slow down, stepping out of the stimulation to find more serenity. When the mouth stops talking and the body is still, it encourages the mind to quiet down as well. It’s a slow unraveling, peeling away the layers of stress and feeling “over cooked,” while encouraging a natural softening and peacefulness.
Benefits of silence
According to Healthline, there are many mental and physical benefits to silence, including lowering blood pressure, improving sleep, quieting racing thoughts, enhancing focus and concentration, and reducing cortisol levels.
This all makes sense, as when you slow down the nervous system and get out of “fight or flight,” it’s easier to “rest and digest.” Sleep happens when you slow down and allow the mind and body to relax. It’s much harder to sleep when your mind is full and racing. It’s easier to concentrate when you don’t have constant distractions. Even music, especially when it has lyrics, can make it harder to concentrate on tasks that require problem solving and memory.
My experience with silence
I experienced a profound calming and quieting when I went on a 4-day Silent Yoga Retreat, which I wrote about here:
TL;DR: I stopped talking on a 4-day yoga and meditation retreat and I felt the most relaxed I had ever been in my life (about 28 or 29 years at that time). The deep and penetrating calm I felt was like nothing else.
When you meditate for short periods, you have the opportunity to pause and take a break from the chaos of life. The longer you meditate, the more profound the stillness. When you spend a significant amount of time slowing down and quieting, your whole system benefits from it.
During the 3-day weekend retreats that I host, I infuse yoga, meditation, journaling, and more during the weekend to help participants feel deeply nourished and restored. It’s like a vacation that you don’t need a vacation from. Every evening, from the end of the last session through just before breakfast (usually about 11-12 hours, including time when we’re asleep), we are in silence. Retreatants have commented on how much they enjoy the silent hours, even the extroverts. It’s a time to go inward, to journal and/or reflect, and it enhances the overall peace of the weekend.
When you feel overwhelmed, go silent
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately (as many people in the United States currently do), stop talking. Close your eyes, pause, and breathe. Feel your feet on the floor and the air flowing in and out through your nose. Even a few moments of stillness starts to slow your mental roll.
Notice the thoughts in your head, but let go of your attachment to them. Give them permission to exist, but don’t feed them by actively thinking or problem solving. Imagine stepping back from your thoughts, seeing them on a movie screen in front of you. Keep stepping back, creating more and more space between you and your thoughts. Eventually, the thoughts become quieter, more like background noise rather than the “main event.”
What happens when you stop talking for 5 minutes? An hour? An entire day? The more you disconnect from the words in your mouth and head, the more you can reconnect to your body and breath. Worry and racing thoughts don’t live in your body, they are mental creations that keep us stuck in the past or the future. The body is right here, right now, and is the only thing over which you have any control.
Day of Silence
Day of Silence is a one day silent yoga and meditation retreat that explores the power of silence. Feel what it's like to drop slowly into silence. When the mind gets quiet, you feel grounded, settled, and at peace. Silence happens gradually as you peel away the layers of tension. Let your jaw unclench, allow your shoulders fall away from your ears. All you have left is calm.
Practice yoga, meditation, journaling, and walking, all in silence. Open to all levels of experience. Click the button below for more information or to sign up!
Day of Silence, Saturday, May 17, 9am-4pm ET in Wayland, MA
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That’s right worry and anxiety suit what will happen in future.
I would like to say more. To plan to future is prefered to be in a good condition away from worries. That helps to translat the plan on the ground.