Why is Meditation So Hard?

It's only hard when you don't understand what it is and how to do it.

As a yoga instructor, I hear it all the time: “I can’t meditate because…”

• my thoughts never stop!

• I don’t have time!

• I can’t sit still!

Your mind will give you a million reasons why you can’t do it, and I would bet that none of them are actually true. When you understand what meditation is and isn’t, it helps.

First, Get Comfortable

Getting the body “out of the way” so you can meditate makes it slightly easier. You don’t want to become distracted by physical discomfort that causes you to shift and adjust. The mind gets distracted enough, you don’t want the body to add to that distraction. I like to practice a little yoga first to stretch and move, but it’s not necessary, as long as your body feels supported.

You can sit on a meditation cushion, a rolled up towel or blanket, or even in a chair. Sit with a vertical pelvis and a straight spine, with your hips slightly higher than your knees. If you sit cross-legged and your knees are “floating in the air,” you can place blocks or rolled blankets underneath them so that your hip flexors don’t strain. I prefer to sit kneeling, but there is no one “right” way to sit. What’s most important is that you feel comfortable.

If sitting is still uncomfortable, you can lie down. When lying down, you might place a rolled up towel or blanket under your knees to create more ease for your lower back. The only problem with lying down is it is more conducive to sleeping (which also takes you out of your meditation). Although sometimes a quick nap on the mat is beneficial too.

Myth #1: My thoughts don’t stop

Unless you’ve been practicing for a long time, your thoughts don’t actually stop unless, and even then, they don’t often stop completely. The good news is that stopping your thoughts is not the point of meditation. The point of meditation is to notice what is happening at this moment, and to let go of all other moments.

Our mind loves the drama of the past and future. In the past is where all of those times when we said or did something we regret live. Our mind loves to ruminate and rehash those times, torturing us with our shame and embarrassment. You are allowed to let go of that time in the 3rd grade. You know that time. It doesn’t matter anymore. I give you permission to let it go (not that you need my permission, or maybe you do. You’re welcome!).

The future is full of the “what ifs” that keep us paralyzed.

• What if it rains and ruins our trip?

• What if our plane is delayed and we miss our flight?

• What if we don’t have enough to feed everyone?

• What if he doesn’t get into college?

• What if she can’t get pregnant?

• What if she does get pregnant?

• What if I’m not good enough?

• What if I’m too much?

The “what ifs” are plentiful and endless.

Meditation is for right now

Bringing your mind into the present moment means there is no drama. The present moment isn’t very exciting (unless you are skydiving, and then it is really exciting, and maybe terrifying!). When you sit to meditate, all you do is notice. Start by noticing your breath. Notice the sensation of your inhale and exhale and where you feel them in your body. Do they feel the same or do they have different sensations?

You might notice other physical sensations. Maybe your foot falls asleep. Can you notice the sensation without moving to wake it up? What stories does your mind create when your foot falls asleep? I promise you won’t need to amputate it if you don’t move it, as it will wake up eventually. This sensation is temporary.

You might notice sounds in your environment. Unless you live in a vacuum, there are always sounds. You might hear birds or cars outside. Maybe you hear the heat or air conditioning unit blowing. You might hear your own heart beating. Allow these sounds to be the soundtrack to your meditation practice. They are not a distraction, they are part of the present moment. This is how you begin to cultivate awareness and acceptance.

Notice your thoughts. As I said earlier, most likely your thoughts won’t stop. What might stop is your attachment to your thoughts. Try to let go of actively thinking and simply notice what the mind is doing. When you notice that your mind has wandered to the past or the future, pause, and bring your awareness back to your breath to begin again.

Be kind to yourself

When I first started meditating, while deep in my perfectionism, I used to internally “yell” at myself when my mind wandered. I knew the directions were to notice my breath, but when I noticed I was thinking instead, I got frustrated and would criticise myself for not being able to do this one simple thing.

But it’s not simple at first. Staying with the breath as a single-pointed focus is challenging and takes A LOT of practice. Focusing on one thing is hard when you are used to your mind doing 50 things at once. The good news is you get all the benefits of meditation simply by trying. Success is not quieting your mind, success is sitting and noticing, and starting again when your mind wanders. That what’s easy (er).

Instead of berating yourself for “doing it wrong,” be kind in your self talk. You are doing the best you can, and that is enough. When your mind wanders, just come back. You might go back to the breath a thousand times while you sit. That’s completely allowed. If you criticize yourself, you create tension in your body. When you just come back, there is more ease. You deserve to be kind and gentle with yourself.

Myth #2": I don’t have time

There is always time, you just need to make meditation a priority. Can you find 3-5 free minutes in your day? Then you have time. Do you spend hours doom scrolling or numbing out? Then you definitely have time for a few minutes of meditation, and you will feel much better when you practice.

No matter what amount of time you set aside, from 3 minutes up to an hour or more, you will benefit from slowing down, stepping out of your life for a bit, and being still.

As a self-identified Type A personality who used to have every moment of my day scheduled, I get it. I never had time when I thought I needed an hour to meditate or it wasn’t worth it. I used to think that about yoga too. 15 minutes of yoga will loosen up my stiff body and connect me to myself. Yes, I would prefer to practice for an hour, but that’s not always possible. It is totally worth it to move, stretch, and breathe for 15 minutes rather than zero minutes. I never regret it. Same goes for meditation.

Take 5 minutes

5 minutes of meditation calms your nervous system, even if you can’t quiet your thoughts. In those times, I imagine moving my thoughts away from my body. I imagine viewing them on a movie screen in front of me, or sliding them to the edge of the room where I’m sitting. I keep brushing them aside as I focus most of my attention on my breath. My thoughts don’t go away, but they become background noise rather than my main focus.

When you finish your meditation, you feel calmer and more relaxed. Being still for a period of time allows you to notice not only your thoughts, but how you feel. Stress eating or other addictive behaviors come from trying to suppress how we feel.

Meditation is your opportunity to check in with yourself and give your feelings space to exist. They will rise, peak, crash, and then they are gone, having expressed themselves. When you give your feelings space to exist, they can “deliver their message” to you and then they go away.

It’s actually much less work and effort to feel them than to suppress them. I conditioned myself not to have feelings as a child, since my parents weren’t equipped to handle my big feelings. I learned all sorts of suppression techniques to numb myself and not feel. Eating, TV, games on my phone, and staying busy were some of those “techniques.”

Meditation allows me to feel my feelings in a purposeful, contained way so that I don’t lose my shit at some inconvenient time. I give myself permission to feel my anger, frustration, fear, grief, joy and love when I have time to feel. Even 5 minutes helps, as it’s like releasing the pressure valve and bringing me back to equilibrium.

Myth #3: I can’t sit still!

That’s okay, you don’t have to! While seated meditation is the most common form, what matters is that you are present. You can be present while washing the dishes, gardening, going for a walk, swimming, biking, hiking, and more. As long as you don’t have to plan your next move (like in tennis), and you can let your mind focus, there are many types of moving meditations.

Vinyasa yoga, the flow form of yoga that I practice and teach, is moving meditation. You move and breathe intentionally and notice what you are doing as you do it. Keeping your mind focused while you move is moving meditation.

There is also Walking Meditation, which is different from going for a walk and noticing. This type of meditation can be done inside, as you are not walking very far. Your steps are slow and intentional, feeling the heel touch the floor, rolling to the ball of the foot, then feeling the transfer of weight from the back foot to the front foot. You bring your full attention and awareness to each step and each shift of weight, directing all of your concentration to this action. Having something physical to observe helps when you have trouble sitting still.

There are many ways to meditate because different people benefit from different styles. Find what works best for you!

Free Meditation eBook!

In the free eBook, “3 Myths About Meditation and Why it’s Easier Than You Think” I discuss these 3 Myths and give you a 6 minute guided (seated) meditation for you to follow. I often find meditation is easier when someone else tells you what to do. Click the button below to get your free copy!

Practice with me!

I teach Movement and Meditation every Monday, online, from 8-8:40am ET. I guide you through 20 minutes of gentle movement and yoga stretches to loosen up the body, followed by 20 minutes of both guided and silent meditation. This class is appropriate for all levels of experience. My students proclaim that it’s the best way to start the week! If you can’t make it live, these classes are always available on demand so that you can fit them in when it’s convenient for you. Drop ins welcome!