How Surrender Might be the Way to an Easeful Life

Yamas and Niyamas, part 10: Ishvara Pranidhana/ Surrender

Jul 09, 2024

The term “surrender” in English has a negative connotation, like with war. “I surrender” means I give up, you win. Ishvara Pranidhana is not that type of surrender.

When we talk about surrender in yoga, it’s not “I give up” but rather, “I give in. I will stop fighting and allow what is to be.” It is in this type of surrender that you find peace.

Michael Singer, the author of “The Untethered Soul” and other books, talks about how stress is what happens when we resist what is actually happening. Ishvara Pranidhana is when we agree to what is actually happening. When you surrender to it, there is no stress. It melts away.

But how is this not giving up?

As I said, there is giving up and there is giving in. When you give up, you lose hope. There is a sense of loss, grief, and dismay. When you give in, you soften. There is less tension in your body, and you can find more ease and less effort. You let go of the need to fight, and instead, give permission. There is a certain strength to giving in. When you give up, you lose; when you give in, you maintain choice.

I spend a lot of time writing about ease and softening. There is a reason for this.

Fighting what is happening creates stress and tension, which can eventually lead to dis-ease. Life is going to happen, people are going to people, things are going to exist. “Disagreeing” with this causes stress and anxiety overcome us.

Noticing gives you power over the present moment, as it’s the only moment you can control. Noticing allows you to see what is actually happening, with a more objective eye. When you notice without attachment (Aparigraha) you can decide how you want to proceed. You can change things if you need to, or allow things to be as they are.

Here is where surrender comes in.

Surrender means you agree to what is happening at this moment. This doesn’t mean that you can’t change things, only that you see things as they are. Herein lies your power.

On a global scale

If you get stressed out about things happening (like women losing bodily autonomy in the United States, for example), you can lose objectivity and your actions will be ruled by your emotions. This is the difference between reaction and response. Change happens with a clear thought out response, not when you react.

You can agree to things being as they are in this moment, but that doesn’t mean that you have to agree to them forever. You can feel angry about what's happening to women in the US, but if you focus on that piece, you might find that you are also paralyzed to do anything. Agreeing that this is the state of things right now can move you to make things different for tomorrow.

On a personal scale

This also applies to how to deal with challenging people in your life. Wishing that they would behave differently, when decades of examples show otherwise, will only end with you feeling upset.

Expecting my mother to be warm, accepting, and non-judgmental has led to incredible stress and frustration for me over the years. I wanted her to be different than who she is, but that’s not possible. She is who she is and she always will be. When I can expect her to be and act exactly as she always has, it eases my stress when we interact.

Wishing she was different always ends badly for me. I feel angry, frustrated, and unseen. If I expect that she will be as she has always been, the stress goes away. I still feel unseen, but I expect not to feel seen, so it’s less painful. I allow her to be as she is and don’t expect anything different. I can’t be disappointed by this as she is living up to her side of the bargain: being who she is.

How to find Ishvara Pranidhana/Surrender

I find the best way to find surrender is to practice.

On the mat, when you are holding a pose, see if you can surrender to the pose. In a pose like Pigeon pose, see if you can relax into it. Allow gravity to pull you into the pose, rather than you forcing yourself to go deeper. What happens when you let go and try less? What happens when you soften your muscles and just breathe?

Pigeon Pose/ Kapotasana. Breathe and surrender.

If you can practice physical surrender, you can use the same skills to surrender emotionally. When dealing with a challenging person or situation, what happens when you relax physically? What happens when you soften your muscles and breathe?

The person might still yell at you, or be their normal, challenging self, but your response in that moment can be of acceptance. They are who they are. That’s when you can decide to take it, speak up, or walk away.

I do this in the dentist’s chair. When I feel myself tensing up, I intentionally relax and surrender. My teeth get clean and my stress levels drop. Win-win.

Practice

Think of a stressful time or person that you have had to deal with. How might things change if you were to surrender and accept that the person or event was as they were? Notice how that feels in your body. It won’t change what happened, but it can change how you feel about what happened.

Meditation and yoga on the mat are two opportunities to practice Ishvara Pranidhana when the stakes are low. What you practice on the mat you then take with you off the mat and into your life. That’s why we practice yoga and meditation. We practice when things are easy so that we have access to the skills when things are hard.

Practicing gets you in touch with who you are so that you can live with more peace and ease in your heart and mind.

Thank you for joining me on this journey through the Yamas and Niyamas! Today is the final installment, and I will be wrapping things up next week. If you missed any posts, they are all linked at the bottom. If you have any questions related to this or any of the Yamas and Niyamas, please leave a comment and I will do my best to answer you! If you have requests for future explorations about yoga on or off the mat, please comment below. I take requests!