How To Use Compassion And Non-Harming and Reclaim Healthy Eating
“Eating well” isn’t just about the food you put in your mouth, it is also about how you relate to your food. It’s common knowledge that eating more fruits and vegetables will improve your health, but when it comes to actually doing it, how does that feel? Overwhelming? Easy? Shame inducing? Anxiety producing?
Many people struggle with food, not only because you don’t know what to eat (there’s so much conflicting information!), but because of the feelings that come up when you make the choices that you do. Whether you feel good or bad about your food choices, you are processing a feeling. If you tend to feel badly or ashamed most of the time, that can negatively affect your health.
Food shame and labeling foods as “good” or “bad” can be problematic. While there are foods that will enhance your health and those that won’t, occasionally having a treat is fine. As humans, we are allowed to feel pleasure, and food can be pleasurable. When you feel bad about eating a slice of pie, you are negating your ability to enjoy it. You may also eat more than you had intended since there may be shame layered on top.
What is Healthy Eating?
There is no one-size-fits-all way to eat. Everyone has different blood types, genetics, and activity levels and therefore everyone has different dietary requirements. One person may thrive on a vegan diet while another person might require animal products. Mediterranean, Keto, Paleo, and more claim to be the “best” way to eat with studies “proving” it. We can probably agree that most people need fruits and vegetables for optimum health, but beyond that things can get a bit murky.
It can take some detective work to figure out what makes you feel the best, diet-wise. For me, I require animal protein, nuts, seeds, fruits, and vegetables, but I need to limit dairy and legumes, and I don’t tolerate grains with gluten very well. This way of eating works for me, but may or may not work for you. I have experimented with my diet extensively over the last few decades and have found this way of eating makes me feel my best.
In general, you want a diet that has enough protein, fiber, and fat to keep you feeling satisfied and your body processes running smoothly. You want to eat foods that give you energy and don’t make you want to take a nap after eating. Ideally you want to limit sugar, but I find eliminating it completely only works for so long because willpower is a limited commodity. For me, I end up binge-eating down the road when my willpower runs out. Taking the stance of “I don’t eat” instead of “I can’t eat” can help, especially with sugar’s addictive nature.
Permission to eat
Diet culture has drilled into our heads that feeling hungry is bad and that, at all costs, you should curb your appetite. What is actually true is that hunger is a normal, natural signal that your body gives you when it’s time for more food. If your blood sugar is low, your body tells you to eat something to bring it back up again. That is what the hunger signal is for.
Problems occur when you eat when you are emotionally hungry rather than physically hungry. I write about that in this post:
What Happens When You Feed Emotional Hunger With Food
I feel a gnawing inside so I go to the cabinet. I find popcorn or chips and start eating, mindlessly putting my hand into the bag and shoving fistfuls into my mouth. I feel so hungry, yet even as I swallow down the whole bag, my hunger doesn’t recede.
Giving yourself permission to eat might seem simple, but it goes against what diet culture has shoved down our throats for the last 50+ years. Permission to eat is a radical thing.
The next time you eat something sweet or “forbidden” by diet culture, notice what happens in your body. I used to feel ashamed for eating ice cream or cookies, hiding my consumption from my family so they wouldn’t see me eating. I would eat until I was bursting, for fear I wouldn’t get another opportunity. I had a scarcity mindset. Afterward deep shame would set in and I would curse myself for having indulged.
Instead of this scenario, what would it feel like to give yourself permission to eat those foods? For me, it feels very settled and calm. I don’t feel the need to overeat, I can eat a serving and fully enjoy it. When I taste the ice cream, the frozen creaminess in my mouth, the flavors swirling, it’s a joyful experience. Each bite is a new opportunity for joy and pleasure. When I am done with the serving, I don’t need anymore and I feel no shame.
This is the gift of permission.
Compassionate Eating (Karuna)
Compassion (Karuna) can make a huge difference in our relationship to food. Compassion means “suffering together” where you can sit with the understanding of another person’s pain. Self-compassion is when we are the other person. In the situation with the ice cream where I felt shame after, what if instead, I could feel compassion?
When you don’t respond to yourself with compassion, the alternative is often shame. Shame feels horrible, and if you are like me, you will just eat more. Shaming yourself leads to more regretful eating, or alternatively, restriction then binge eating. Regardless, this won’t make you feel better.
Compassion for my scared/stressed/bored self leads to empathy, which is the antidote to shame. According to Brene Brown (and I am paraphrasing), shame makes you feel judged, isolated, and alone. It grows with secrecy and hiding. However if you douse your shame with empathy, it cannot survive. When you show yourself compassion and empathy, shame disappears. When you let go of shame, you can move forward with more awareness and control over yourself and your actions.
Often we overeat when we are trying to numb our feelings. Maybe you had a stressful day and eating was how you coped with the stress. Treating yourself lovingly and compassionately in that situation will prevent further overeating.
Not Harming Yourself with Food (Ahimsa)
In addition to having compassion for ourselves, what if we could also add the element of Ahimsa, or Non-Harming? This helps you make better food choices in general. When you eat well, you feel more regulated. When you are more regulated, you tend not to overeat.
I find emotional eating happens most often when we feel dysregulated: bored, tired, stressed, anxious, angry, frustrated, and the list goes on. Occasionally eating foods that are treats is fine, but consistently eating foods that don’t serve our health leads to more dysregulation which leads to more emotional eating. It’s a vicious cycle.
Being intentional with your eating, and purposefully choosing foods that you know give you energy, and don’t leave you feeling bloated and lethargic, is practicing Ahimsa. You are being kind to your body and giving it the fuel it needs to operate at it’s best. This is the Yoga of Eating.
Intentional Eating
Intentional Eating: Finding Peace and Balance in Your Relationship with Food is a 6 week online program to help you look at your beliefs around food and what you “should” or “shouldn’t” eat. Applying yogic principles as well as brain science, you will learn how to have more control over your eating habits, let go of regretful eating, and have a kinder, more peaceful relationship with yourself.
This coaching program is a mindset reset to help you change the narrative of how you think about food. You will learn how to navigate the holidays with better regulation, as well as your nightly battles with food.
Intentional Eating is a space of non-judgement and support to help you let go of shame and embrace a positive relationship with food and yourself. This will be the last time I run this program for awhile, so if you’re on the fence, now is the time. Click the button below for more information or to sign up. Limited to 5 people.
Starting Sept. 24, 2025.
Thank you for this informative and helpful read Janine. As we get older the food we eat affects us differently. I never had a weight problem until post-menopause. My relationship with food has changed in many ways over the years. This post helped me see food differently.